During Rebecca's tenth week of pregnancy she was involved in an accident. When she called me about the wreck, she was sure our van was totaled. At that moment, the bottom dropped out of my heart. I just knew there was no way the little one she was carrying could've made it. We had lost three babies before and now a fourth. It was more than I could bear. As I drove to the accident site I prayed fervently, cried, and wondered how would I best serve my wife. As my anxiety grew to a shaking point God calmed my heart with these words, "I've got this! Love your wife, I've got this!" My anxiety faded, but I remained deeply concerned. Arriving at the accident, God graciously kept me calm and lead me to encourage and support my prized jewel.
We immediately left the scene and drove to her OBGYN. We called ahead so they would be expecting us. Upon our arrival, Rebecca was examined by a nurse and then one of her doctors came to do an ultrasound. He walked in the room saying, "God protects little babies. This little one is going to be fine." Where had I heard that before? He did the ultrasound and showed us a little one with a steady and strong heartbeat. In my heart I heard, "I've got this."I have been reminded of this several times this week. When we had to rush to the hospital, "I've got this!" When the medical staff and Rebecca had done everything they could to delay a premature birth, to no avail, "I've got this!" When Jonathan was born and the ensuing flurry of action as people worked around him, "I've got this!" When we learn all we can about 25 week old preemies and the challenges they face, "I've got this!" When we hope and pray for his body to do what it needs to do, "I've got this!" All of this has left me with one hope to hold onto, "God, take it. I can't nor do I want to carry it!"
So, this week has been surreal in that I have been reacquainted with the truth that life is lived on the verge of what He's gonna do next. We are praying this way for Jonathan. We pray and beg today for a good day and we'll pray and beg about about tomorrow's challenges tomorrow. We praise God for all he does, whether we understand it or not, because he IS always good and DOES love us no matter what. Today Jonathan was taken off the ventilator, "PRAISE God!" If he goes back on tomorrow, "PRAISE God!" He is the one responsible for keeping Jonathan's life. All I can do is trust Him while I live on the verge.
I don't have the words to express the gratitude we have for the enumerable prayers and acts of love and generosity for us this week. The way God loves us and cares for us through each other is more than my heart and mind can hold. So, I say THANK YOU and GOD BLESS YOU to everyone all the while thinking, "it's not enough!"
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